H is for Horrible: Noah’s Ark (the novel) and Giant Killer Crabs

Just a short post today about two things I find horrible.

First up: Barbara Trapido’s Noah’s Ark
I tried, I really did. But a few chapters in I was finding it all very whiny and unpleasant to read in that ‘deliberately arty’ kind of way. Most of all, my dislike of both the main characters was turning into out and out repugnance. There was nothing likeable, admirable or even a teensy bit charismatic about them at all (again, that came across as a deliberate trendy effect) . We can cheer for a super-villain if he has charisma, but these two… not only did I not care what happened to them, I felt I’d rather not know (or waste more of my life finding out). It was destined only for the charity shop, I’m afraid. To be fair, I haven’t read any other Barbara Trapido novels; her others might be brilliant (and I’m sure lots of people think this one is).

Second (and lastly – told you it was short): Giant Crabs. More specifically. books about Giant Crabs. Not just normal giant crabs like these on Cracked.com, although they’re freaky enough…

They are still just normal crabs, scary and huge as though they may be; they’re meant to exist. And don’t eat people (probably).

No, I’m talking about the kind of crabs that you should never meet on the beach (or indeed behind your bin). I’m talking Giant, Mutated, Killer Crabs. I’m fairly sure it must have been one of Guy N. Smith’s books that scared me senseless, but I’m not sure which one. Night of the Crabs? Killer Crabs? Crabs on the Rampage? I think it was Night of the Crabs, but the actual story is immaterial because whichever of his books it was, the crabs were always giant, evil. and regularly sliced and diced people before munching away on the fillets.

Killer Crabs by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsNight of the Crabs by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsCrabs On The Rampage by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsCrabs Unleashed by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsCrabs' Fury by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsCrabs Moon by Guy N. Smith - Click for detailsThe Origin of the Crabs by Guy N. Smith - Click for details




The only difference that I can see is the body of water involved. I know that in the one that gave me nightmares, there was sea and beach involved, so it wasn’t whichever one featured murderous super-size crabs coming out of a Scottish Loch.
As I’m going on holiday to Scotland this year and plan to visit a Loch or two, I’m quite grateful for that.

2 thoughts on “H is for Horrible: Noah’s Ark (the novel) and Giant Killer Crabs”

    • Hmm – not sure I can recommend the crab books, they’re pure pulp fiction. But in these more enlightened times, perhaps they’re good for a laugh! 🙂


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